Archive for the 'My Perspective' Category

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How I Feel Now.

So the last couple of weeks I’ve been bursting with confusion and loneliness, so much so, that I think my head burst open a couple of days ago and I’m leaking from the brain. It’s amazing how one small change in a person’s life can change one’s perspective of their past, present, and future. My life is about to take a turn that scares me shitless… A few years ago I became very aware that God was pointing me toward a very different and difficult lifestyle. The difference between then and now is that, back then I believed that I wasn’t going to be taking steps toward that lifestyle on my own. I had a friend, a great friend, that believed his life was headed down the same path and we thought we could head that direction together. Now for the first time, I have to continue to make steps moving my life in that direction while he has stopped. And while he has done so for good reason, it has me completely scared to move my feet, for I know that quite possibly the next steps I take will be alone.

While MY guitar gently weeps! (My Version)

Alright… so I believe in being open with the way I feel… and I believe in expressing those feelings in creative ways. This isn’t extremely creative and not extremely well done but it is me expressing!

I stare at my phone, just waiting for something.
While my guitar gently weeps
With hope for a change, that will leave more than nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I watch as my world, it appears to be burning.
While my guitar gently weeps
All my ideas about life are now blurring.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I’m standing here now, watching love keep on dying.
While my guitar gently weeps
Watching what’s good slowly turn into nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I look at the world through a dark shade of glasses.

I look at the world, and I think life’s a failure!

Home!? (Part 2)

I’ve dreamed of this place where all the things people fear the most don’t even exist; things like death, darkness, and evil. A place that solely consists of life, light, and goodness. A place so perfect that only God himself is worthy enough to remain there.
So what is this place? Is it our home? Maybe that’s what that feeling of home is… a glimpse of something so full of life, light and goodness. Maybe it’s a glimpse of the home we were created for. Is it possible that every genuine connection we experience with one another is the beginning of a journey that could lead us home. What if we took all the energy that we usually put toward preserving our dignity, our independence, our pride, and our right to pursue our own self-serving happiness and use it to develop real genuine relationships. Maybe then we would be closer to bridging the gap between our earthly dwelling and the place we were created for.
These thoughts make me ask other questions. Questions about the relationships themselves. Where do they come from? What happens when there gone? The times I feel most at home are times when real relationships are present. It makes me wonder if friendships are really even of this planet. Maybe every time a genuine connection is made it’s not only birthed here on this earth but also in heaven. Which would mean that maybe when the connection is no longer available on earth the connection remain available to us from heaven. I tend to believe that these real genuine connections never die. Every genuine connection I’ve ever had still lives on and is constantly changing me, it didn’t just change me just once, but continues to consistantly cause growth in my life. Maybe that’s what an angel really is, a genuine connection that forever continues to impact our lives even once the physical friendship is gone. And maybe that’s what home is, the place where we feel most connected. Maybe it’s time for the body of Christ to start making it’s way “home.”

Home!? (Part 1)

“Home” has meant so many different things to me over the years… Who am I kidding? “Home” is one of those words Kierkigaard could use 20 times in one sentence and mean something diferent each time he uses it. I’m not sure what “Home” is, really.
When you’re gone on vacation “home” is the feeling you get when you get to sleep in your own bed for a change.
When you’re young and you scrap up your knee, “home” is a hug from Mom, or when your nervous or scared about something its a pat on the back from Dad.

Even though all of that is still there, as you grow older “home” also grows out of it’s confines of immediate family.
“Home” becomes the feeling you get when you are with your best friend.
“Home” becomes the feeling of being understood and completely understanding another person.
“Home” is being around someone who knows you messed up but is willing to stand there with you anyway.
“Home” is the feeling of loving and being loved by a sea of friends and family.

The list goes on and on. I could keep going but for everyone of these definitions of “home” I wonder how many more there must be and what does that mean? It really appears to me that I may have been created for a “home” of which I’ve only seen bits and pieces.

In order to get a better picture of what “home” really means I need to hear from you guys. When is it that you feel like you’re “home?”

Paradox of Thought and Emotion

This is a quote from a post on Jake’s Blog.

I sit with my face placed keenly between my knees, pleading with the void for something more than this; for something more than me. I try hard to clothe my nakedness with noise, and as my heart beats… they ring true with a knowledge beyond their comprehension: I am alone.

It’s amazing… because I could say the exact same thing, using the exact same words, but yet, we both are expressing these ideas with a very different meaning and and a very different emotion attached. Weird… Huh?

A Gasp of My Soul

Things have been hard here lately. It almost seems as if people are like puzzle pieces. You start out as one lonely puzzle piece, you find another piece that seems to fit right up next to you, and you continue through this process over and over again, until all of your lives come together to form a big picture. But now, I feel like a defective puzzle piece… all alone. Better yet, I’m a puzzle piece that has been misplaced into the wrong box. The pieces I connect with are somewhere else. All I’m left with is the hope that sometime soon I will find those that which I can connect with, a place where I am a part of a a big picture.

Have my friends moved on, have I become a fond but distant memory? I can recall a time when I had begun to get a glimpse of what the bigger picture looked like. Have my fellow puzzle pieces continued to build their picture without me? I have these images in my brain of a picture coming together but my piece is not there. The pieces I was once connected to have gone on without me… discovering more and more of the big picture. How much I long to be a part of something again. How tired I have become of trying to connect to a picture that I’m not part of.

The problem with disconnection is that without it, I have no way of fulfilling my purpose. It’s like life without oxygen, a slow a painful suffocation of my soul. I’ve become a witness to my own soul’s deterioration. This is the sound of my soul gasping for community!

ORU TV Singers Meet American Idol

At ORU we had a group of singers who would sing on Richard and Lindsey Robert’s TV show, we called them the ORU TV Singers and they looked just like this. Even at a Christian college the ensemble auditions were about politics and popularity. So this was a flash back to my college days. Thank you American Idol! (that was sarcasm… just so you know) At least ORU would have got the words correct!

Just out of curiosity what do you think about American Idol performing America’s most popular worship song? (Written in Australia)

Praying For Time

I’ve spent time in several churches in the span of my “christian” life and in many of those churches it was a regular custom to pray for Jesus not to tarry and for Him to come back for His church quickly. My perspective now is quite the opposite. Lately I’ve found myself, more and more often, praying for more time. I wonder if the people who are praying for Jesus to come quick realize that they’re going to be held responsible for the condition of our world. Do they know that…
– Every day approximately 30,000 people die from extreme poverty.
– One billion people live off less than a dollar a day.
– Twelve million African children have lost one or both parents to AIDS.
Maybe we all should be praying for more time?

Inspired by the George Michael song: Praying For Time