Monthly Archive for September, 2008

Quote of the Week

So… This weeks quote goes right along with the lessons I learned last week from my friend at starbucks and from mister Hugh Laurie.

“Life must be understood backward. But one forgets the other principle, that it must be lived forward. When one analyzes this latter principle one inevitably comes to the conclusion that life in time can never be properly understood because no moment in which one is living can acquire the complete stillness necessary to orient oneself backward.”
– Søren Kierkegaard

How I Feel Now.

So the last couple of weeks I’ve been bursting with confusion and loneliness, so much so, that I think my head burst open a couple of days ago and I’m leaking from the brain. It’s amazing how one small change in a person’s life can change one’s perspective of their past, present, and future. My life is about to take a turn that scares me shitless… A few years ago I became very aware that God was pointing me toward a very different and difficult lifestyle. The difference between then and now is that, back then I believed that I wasn’t going to be taking steps toward that lifestyle on my own. I had a friend, a great friend, that believed his life was headed down the same path and we thought we could head that direction together. Now for the first time, I have to continue to make steps moving my life in that direction while he has stopped. And while he has done so for good reason, it has me completely scared to move my feet, for I know that quite possibly the next steps I take will be alone.

Quote of the Week

“Sometimes people leave you, halfway through the wood, do not let it grieve you, no one leaves for good. You are not alone, no one is alone.”
– From the Musical “Into The Woods.”

Mistakes?

I can’t keep from thinking about a short discussion I had while I was home. It’s one of those conversations that you can tell in the long scheme of things is going to be an important one, a conversation aborning a life at a crossroads.
So here I was sitting at Starbucks and in comes one of my favorite customers, I really mean it; on a list a mile long of my favorite customers this lady is on the top of my list. (She used to get a Double Tall 1 pump, nonfat, no whip, no foam, extra hot, vanilla latte.) Anyway, I immediately head toward the door with my arms opening to give her a hug. It was so good to see her! The first question she spoke, was the one question that proved she was able to read me like a book, “Are you back for good?” So we spoke for a while, about why I was thinking of moving back home. She then mentioned an idea. “I don’t believe in mistakes,” she said again reading my every look. “It wasn’t a mistake to go and it’s not a mistake to come back.”

Then later, while I was sitting on a airplane waiting for the captain to arrive (I waited an hour and half) I picked up the magazine that was in the seat pocket in front of me. Hugh Laurie was on the cover and since I am a fan of his talented protrayal of Gregory House on the FOX drama “House” I decided to read the article. In the article Hugh Laurie says this while comparing his career as an actor to the short time he spent in competitive rowing competitions.

In both of them, you’re facing backward moving away from the direction you’re facing… When you look at other people’s careers, it’s very easy to see things as being constructed, planned, devised… In actual fact, I think we are all facing backward, stumbling from place to place, from one thing to the next, and it only takes shape in retrospect… At no point did I ever have a plan. I was simply facing backward, doing my best along the way.

The important thing to realize is that “truth” most likely balances out somewhere between this concept and the concept of living life purposefully, but it’s very interesting to me because I am very unbalanced on the side of planning my next several steps.

It’s probably going to work in my benefit that I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’m sure Jake will agree.

While MY guitar gently weeps! (My Version)

Alright… so I believe in being open with the way I feel… and I believe in expressing those feelings in creative ways. This isn’t extremely creative and not extremely well done but it is me expressing!

I stare at my phone, just waiting for something.
While my guitar gently weeps
With hope for a change, that will leave more than nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I watch as my world, it appears to be burning.
While my guitar gently weeps
All my ideas about life are now blurring.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I’m standing here now, watching love keep on dying.
While my guitar gently weeps
Watching what’s good slowly turn into nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I look at the world through a dark shade of glasses.

I look at the world, and I think life’s a failure!