Tag Archive for 'Life'

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Quote of the Week

So… This weeks quote goes right along with the lessons I learned last week from my friend at starbucks and from mister Hugh Laurie.

“Life must be understood backward. But one forgets the other principle, that it must be lived forward. When one analyzes this latter principle one inevitably comes to the conclusion that life in time can never be properly understood because no moment in which one is living can acquire the complete stillness necessary to orient oneself backward.”
– Søren Kierkegaard

How I Feel Now.

So the last couple of weeks I’ve been bursting with confusion and loneliness, so much so, that I think my head burst open a couple of days ago and I’m leaking from the brain. It’s amazing how one small change in a person’s life can change one’s perspective of their past, present, and future. My life is about to take a turn that scares me shitless… A few years ago I became very aware that God was pointing me toward a very different and difficult lifestyle. The difference between then and now is that, back then I believed that I wasn’t going to be taking steps toward that lifestyle on my own. I had a friend, a great friend, that believed his life was headed down the same path and we thought we could head that direction together. Now for the first time, I have to continue to make steps moving my life in that direction while he has stopped. And while he has done so for good reason, it has me completely scared to move my feet, for I know that quite possibly the next steps I take will be alone.

Quote of the Week

“Sometimes people leave you, halfway through the wood, do not let it grieve you, no one leaves for good. You are not alone, no one is alone.”
– From the Musical “Into The Woods.”


I can’t keep from thinking about a short discussion I had while I was home. It’s one of those conversations that you can tell in the long scheme of things is going to be an important one, a conversation aborning a life at a crossroads.
So here I was sitting at Starbucks and in comes one of my favorite customers, I really mean it; on a list a mile long of my favorite customers this lady is on the top of my list. (She used to get a Double Tall 1 pump, nonfat, no whip, no foam, extra hot, vanilla latte.) Anyway, I immediately head toward the door with my arms opening to give her a hug. It was so good to see her! The first question she spoke, was the one question that proved she was able to read me like a book, “Are you back for good?” So we spoke for a while, about why I was thinking of moving back home. She then mentioned an idea. “I don’t believe in mistakes,” she said again reading my every look. “It wasn’t a mistake to go and it’s not a mistake to come back.”

Then later, while I was sitting on a airplane waiting for the captain to arrive (I waited an hour and half) I picked up the magazine that was in the seat pocket in front of me. Hugh Laurie was on the cover and since I am a fan of his talented protrayal of Gregory House on the FOX drama “House” I decided to read the article. In the article Hugh Laurie says this while comparing his career as an actor to the short time he spent in competitive rowing competitions.

In both of them, you’re facing backward moving away from the direction you’re facing… When you look at other people’s careers, it’s very easy to see things as being constructed, planned, devised… In actual fact, I think we are all facing backward, stumbling from place to place, from one thing to the next, and it only takes shape in retrospect… At no point did I ever have a plan. I was simply facing backward, doing my best along the way.

The important thing to realize is that “truth” most likely balances out somewhere between this concept and the concept of living life purposefully, but it’s very interesting to me because I am very unbalanced on the side of planning my next several steps.

It’s probably going to work in my benefit that I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’m sure Jake will agree.

While MY guitar gently weeps! (My Version)

Alright… so I believe in being open with the way I feel… and I believe in expressing those feelings in creative ways. This isn’t extremely creative and not extremely well done but it is me expressing!

I stare at my phone, just waiting for something.
While my guitar gently weeps
With hope for a change, that will leave more than nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I watch as my world, it appears to be burning.
While my guitar gently weeps
All my ideas about life are now blurring.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I’m standing here now, watching love keep on dying.
While my guitar gently weeps
Watching what’s good slowly turn into nothing.
Still my guitar gently weeps

I look at the world through a dark shade of glasses.

I look at the world, and I think life’s a failure!

Quote of the Week

“I argued that the truth which is in God cannot be attained by any one man, but can only be reached by the union of all men through love. In order to attain truth we must not go each his own way; and, to avoid division, we must have love one to the other, and bear with things which we do not agree.”
– Tolstoy

Home!? (Part 2)

I’ve dreamed of this place where all the things people fear the most don’t even exist; things like death, darkness, and evil. A place that solely consists of life, light, and goodness. A place so perfect that only God himself is worthy enough to remain there.
So what is this place? Is it our home? Maybe that’s what that feeling of home is… a glimpse of something so full of life, light and goodness. Maybe it’s a glimpse of the home we were created for. Is it possible that every genuine connection we experience with one another is the beginning of a journey that could lead us home. What if we took all the energy that we usually put toward preserving our dignity, our independence, our pride, and our right to pursue our own self-serving happiness and use it to develop real genuine relationships. Maybe then we would be closer to bridging the gap between our earthly dwelling and the place we were created for.
These thoughts make me ask other questions. Questions about the relationships themselves. Where do they come from? What happens when there gone? The times I feel most at home are times when real relationships are present. It makes me wonder if friendships are really even of this planet. Maybe every time a genuine connection is made it’s not only birthed here on this earth but also in heaven. Which would mean that maybe when the connection is no longer available on earth the connection remain available to us from heaven. I tend to believe that these real genuine connections never die. Every genuine connection I’ve ever had still lives on and is constantly changing me, it didn’t just change me just once, but continues to consistantly cause growth in my life. Maybe that’s what an angel really is, a genuine connection that forever continues to impact our lives even once the physical friendship is gone. And maybe that’s what home is, the place where we feel most connected. Maybe it’s time for the body of Christ to start making it’s way “home.”

Home!? (Part 1)

“Home” has meant so many different things to me over the years… Who am I kidding? “Home” is one of those words Kierkigaard could use 20 times in one sentence and mean something diferent each time he uses it. I’m not sure what “Home” is, really.
When you’re gone on vacation “home” is the feeling you get when you get to sleep in your own bed for a change.
When you’re young and you scrap up your knee, “home” is a hug from Mom, or when your nervous or scared about something its a pat on the back from Dad.

Even though all of that is still there, as you grow older “home” also grows out of it’s confines of immediate family.
“Home” becomes the feeling you get when you are with your best friend.
“Home” becomes the feeling of being understood and completely understanding another person.
“Home” is being around someone who knows you messed up but is willing to stand there with you anyway.
“Home” is the feeling of loving and being loved by a sea of friends and family.

The list goes on and on. I could keep going but for everyone of these definitions of “home” I wonder how many more there must be and what does that mean? It really appears to me that I may have been created for a “home” of which I’ve only seen bits and pieces.

In order to get a better picture of what “home” really means I need to hear from you guys. When is it that you feel like you’re “home?”

Quote of the Week

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.

-Albert Pine

A Gasp of My Soul

Things have been hard here lately. It almost seems as if people are like puzzle pieces. You start out as one lonely puzzle piece, you find another piece that seems to fit right up next to you, and you continue through this process over and over again, until all of your lives come together to form a big picture. But now, I feel like a defective puzzle piece… all alone. Better yet, I’m a puzzle piece that has been misplaced into the wrong box. The pieces I connect with are somewhere else. All I’m left with is the hope that sometime soon I will find those that which I can connect with, a place where I am a part of a a big picture.

Have my friends moved on, have I become a fond but distant memory? I can recall a time when I had begun to get a glimpse of what the bigger picture looked like. Have my fellow puzzle pieces continued to build their picture without me? I have these images in my brain of a picture coming together but my piece is not there. The pieces I was once connected to have gone on without me… discovering more and more of the big picture. How much I long to be a part of something again. How tired I have become of trying to connect to a picture that I’m not part of.

The problem with disconnection is that without it, I have no way of fulfilling my purpose. It’s like life without oxygen, a slow a painful suffocation of my soul. I’ve become a witness to my own soul’s deterioration. This is the sound of my soul gasping for community!